Curse

Verene · Jan 04, 2011, 01:55 AM // 01:55

I don't generally dream of misfortune, but I have been dealing with pretty severe depression for well over a decade. It's so much fun, let me tell you >.>

I rarely remember my dreams, but when I do they're either 1) mundane, 2) sexual, or 3) heavily influenced by something I was doing earlier. Like, if I've spent the day playing GW, then my dreams will be GW-influenced. Recently after a spree of playing Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, I dreamed that I was an Assassin and being hunted, but since I myself don't look much like someone you'd think is an Assassin, I never got caught

The few recurring dreams I do have tend to have something of a sense of...helplessness, almost, I guess. Like, I'm somewhere, and there's something I have to do, but even though there's nothing actually preventing me from doing so, I'm completely unable to move. It's weird.

Also, being female has nothing to do with having sexual dreams or not...women think about and dream about sex too. I sure as hell do.

Black Metal · Jan 04, 2011, 02:19 AM // 02:19

I have lots of dreams, many are lucid, and they run the gamut.

Many dreams are anxiety dreams, to distinguish them from depression. It's very natural to feel anxiety, even good -- it shows you care about whatever it is.

I'm 37 and still have high school (less often) and college (more often) anxiety dreams -- in the case of college, it's mostly that it's near the end of the quarter (my university goes by 3 quarters, not semesters), and I just realized there was one class I enrolled in but totally forgot about, and the final was coming up and I didn't know jack about the course.

I mostly get totally random dreams that are more wierd and disjointed, but occasionally have a narrative-style dream where there's a progression I can follow.

I had a very lucid one about six months ago that I still remember totally clearly, and it was pretty messed up. It was a beautiful day and I was taking a walk with my mom in the nice suburb of Denver we grew up in, and everything was great but something was nagging me in the back of my mind. I had to think about what it was because things seemed pretty good, and then it came to me: I was a serial killer, and I would get these urges to stalk someone and then kill them that I couldn't control. I felt horrible about it but when that urge game there was nothing I could do, and I continued thinking about it and remembered some of the killings I did -- pretty visceral. I was also concerned that one day I would get caught and my life would be over.

Pretty messed up eh?

Nekodesu · Jan 04, 2011, 10:31 AM // 10:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kattar

Depression affects serotonin production which affects deeper sleep. Since you don't sleep as deeply as often, it's possible you won't have as many dreams - decreasing the chance you'll even remember them at all.

Funny. I've proven to be depressed, moderat depression and I remember almost EVERYTHING I dream. I can remember up to 5 dreams at one night. I had two this night, and they where about sex and the other about torture. I also had a 3rd one but that one was about me chilling in a expencive hotel, in their pool. pretty nice i must say C:

As there are different stages of depression you might be talking about the deepest one. Depression that cannot be fixed, it's a deep sorrow that the person lives in all his or her life, the worst kind. I'm under that one.

BTW: I don't use ANY medicine, I might have to later. But these are all dreams that has not been affected by any medicine.
I dreamt I was torturing a girl, a girl I've never seen before but apparantly one of my 'friends' in the dream thought she needed to be tortured. So we did, my dreams are extremely detaled, everything in them is detaled(I don't know how I write that lol sorry). Tho, I never seem to remember colors very well. I do however remember her skin was a purple, skin and gray color. The wounds were very deep cause me and my 'friend' had been cutting her skin. Anybody seen Martyr? French movie, kinda like that. Weird thing is that I never dream that I do evil/mean things to anybody but people I hate, and since I don't know who this girl was/is I dunno what the dream really wanted to get out of it.

My sex dream was just me running around in naughty clothing teasing boys. Lol. Somehow in my dreams I am a real tease but IRL I just tell em all to back off

One thing that is not considered a dream, but happens during sleep is that I see the future. Yes I know, wtfomgbbq. I don't even believe you can see the future, but I do however this way. It's very simple, I don't see people die, or amazing things like winning the lottery or something. I see small clips and actions that I do or others do around me. They are short, extremely short so It's not like I can really make much sense of them. However cause I've had them for so long, I sometimes in the clips think or say: If I do this action now, you will get angry/sad/happy/etc, because I saw that happen. Very strange, kinda off topic but oh well. Some people without depression are posting aswell

Another thing I'm curious is if people here can wake themself up? I can do that. It's really weird and it's heavy, atleast for me. It's like being under severe heavy drugs and trying to get your senses back.

great sir s · Jan 04, 2011, 08:06 PM // 20:06

I feel like this winter break I have been having a lot more dreams than when I was back in school... possibly because my pot usage has drastically gone down since ive been home.

But my most recent dreams that i can remember i can say have been "misfortune" for numerous reasons. and I have been feeling down lately, but i dont want to instantly connect the two and say voila just because of the OPs statement. Interesting nonetheless... i do believe im part of the 80% haha... i dream about my ex all the time who I still talk to and see almost daily.

RedStar · Jan 05, 2011, 01:19 AM // 01:19

Quote:

One thing that is not considered a dream, but happens during sleep is that I see the future.

One time I dreamed I was getting married. The ceremony didn't go as planned because I think monsters interrupted it but we managed to kill them and in the end get back to the wedding. I don't remember too much about that dream, I don't even remember if I did get married in the end.
But what was weird about that dream was that the woman I was marrying was someone that I never saw before in my life. However, the next day I went to eat and the waitress looked exactly like her, I was kind of shocked (realized that before she saw me, so I didn't make a "O.o" face while ordering xD).

Had a few deja-vu feelings but meh not anything too extraordinary.

I wake myself up whenever a dream starts going bad. Then it's like I've already been up for a few minutes. But I don't have any real problems going back to sleep.

One thing that I hate about some dreams : when you can't figure out if it was a dream or not. You are 99% sure that it was a dream, but there's that tiny 1% that bugs you.

Oh forgot to mention in my last post : I don't notice any difference in dreams if I'm sad, happy, or angry. (Don't think I've ever been really depressed).
And not a lot of erotic dreams.

The Baphomet · Jan 06, 2011, 07:34 PM // 19:34

I haven't remembered my dreams in a while. I have untreated clinical depression though.

When I was younger, I used to remember them vividly. Sometimes I was at school naked, sometimes I was falling (to which I would always wake up shocked), sometimes I was in danger of zombies, sometimes I was a sort of super hero warrior in a hollywood epic battle scene, and sometimes one of my close friends or family members turned out to be a vampire. Other times I would dream about mundane things like fishing.

Kattar · Jan 06, 2011, 07:54 PM // 19:54

Quote:

As there are different stages of depression you might be talking about the deepest one. Depression that cannot be fixed, it's a deep sorrow that the person lives in all his or her life, the worst kind. I'm under that one.

At it's core, depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. That can be fixed. It's just a matter of fixing the imbalance. Medication is usually the quickest way to do this.

Whatever problems may exist in a person's personality or thought patterns that may lead to depression can also be fixed, although not as quickly.

**cosyfiep** · Jan 06, 2011, 08:38 PM // 20:38

nice Kattar....but all depression is NOT chemical--thats what the doc's pushing the meds say .....pills wont solve depression issues like low self esteem, guilt, verbal abuse as a child, etc...these need to be resolved by talking thru them and resolving what is causing the depression (which from my list is a symptom not the disease)...and why LOTS of people who take meds dont get any better.....pills will not help your guilt issues or give you a better self outlook. (not to mention some of the side effects of the meds are actually WORSE than the depression itself!! --thoughts of suicide etc....)

Kattar · Jan 06, 2011, 08:40 PM // 20:40

Quote:

pills wont solve depression issues like low self esteem, guilt, verbal abuse as a child,

That was my point. Perhaps I should have added:

Quote:

Whatever problems may exist in a person's personality or thought patterns that may lead to depression can also be fixed, although not as quickly and not with medication.

That's what I meant anyway.

**cosyfiep** · Jan 06, 2011, 08:47 PM // 20:47

yes that would make it work a lot better-----some things just wont go away with pills (yes I have first hand experience on this point)....though doctors will try and try and try to push them on you.....thats why I used to go to the ones who cant do prescriptions (cant spell it to save my life)....so you actually have to TALK things out instead of 5 minutes to write out a prescription and a $300 bill----

thanks for adding that

Kattar · Jan 06, 2011, 08:52 PM // 20:52

The real point is you don't have to live your life miserable. Everyone deserves to be happy and can be, regardless of your past, if you get help. It may take years, but the only person that can be responsible for you getting better is you. You have to take the first steps to make it happen.

Not talking to you cosy, but to a few other people in the thread.

carnage-runner · Jan 06, 2011, 10:00 PM // 22:00

I wish I knew. I rarely remember my dreams at all. The ones I really remember are always violent and terrifying. The ones I don't remember as well are usually trivial and almost boring. I am also severely depressed and have been for the last 4 years since I had an accident. Not a serious one, but it certainly changed my life drastically enough to lead to a complete personality change. So now I don't sleep very much, and don't remember many dreams. Sexual dreams occur once in a while but if anyone else here is similar to my state you might agree that your sex drive has sorta been lost. I don't really fantasize anymore. Just doesn't matter at the moment.

I can say though that I have re-occuring dreams on a regular basis. I've dreamed of the same central american temple too many times, and it always is me being chased by men with guns. Recently I had easily the most terrifying dream of my life where I was shot and slowly died in an ambulance. I could feel my heart stopping and my vision started tunneling. It felt real enough that I was shaking when I woke up.

But I'd say that depression and sleep deprivation have a serious affect on dream recollection. Does anyone notice that dream dejavu (or however that's spelled) happens all the time? or is it just me... :S

The Baphomet · Jan 06, 2011, 10:02 PM // 22:02

Be a great artist or be happy... decisions, decisions.

Caoimhe · Jan 06, 2011, 10:12 PM // 22:12

I WISH I could remember my dreams. When I sleep, it's like I just die.

I've literally remained asleep through a jackhammer punching a hole in the basement whilst the compressor running it operated right outside my window. The crew doing the work never even know I was there.

russiansteven · Jan 06, 2011, 11:22 PM // 23:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nekodesu

Funny. I've proven to be depressed, moderat depression and I remember almost EVERYTHING I dream. I can remember up to 5 dreams at one night. I had two this night, and they where about sex and the other about torture. I also had a 3rd one but that one was about me chilling in a expencive hotel, in their pool. pretty nice i must say C:

As there are different stages of depression you might be talking about the deepest one. Depression that cannot be fixed, it's a deep sorrow that the person lives in all his or her life, the worst kind. I'm under that one.

BTW: I don't use ANY medicine, I might have to later. But these are all dreams that has not been affected by any medicine.
I dreamt I was torturing a girl, a girl I've never seen before but apparantly one of my 'friends' in the dream thought she needed to be tortured. So we did, my dreams are extremely detaled, everything in them is detaled(I don't know how I write that lol sorry). Tho, I never seem to remember colors very well. I do however remember her skin was a purple, skin and gray color. The wounds were very deep cause me and my 'friend' had been cutting her skin. Anybody seen Martyr? French movie, kinda like that. Weird thing is that I never dream that I do evil/mean things to anybody but people I hate, and since I don't know who this girl was/is I dunno what the dream really wanted to get out of it.

My sex dream was just me running around in naughty clothing teasing boys. Lol. Somehow in my dreams I am a real tease but IRL I just tell em all to back off

One thing that is not considered a dream, but happens during sleep is that I see the future. Yes I know, wtfomgbbq. I don't even believe you can see the future, but I do however this way. It's very simple, I don't see people die, or amazing things like winning the lottery or something. I see small clips and actions that I do or others do around me. They are short, extremely short so It's not like I can really make much sense of them. However cause I've had them for so long, I sometimes in the clips think or say: If I do this action now, you will get angry/sad/happy/etc, because I saw that happen. Very strange, kinda off topic but oh well. Some people without depression are posting aswell

Another thing I'm curious is if people here can wake themself up? I can do that. It's really weird and it's heavy, atleast for me. It's like being under severe heavy drugs and trying to get your senses back.

I'm not in any state of depression or any way depressed but I can also see VERY short clips in the future that actually happen. It doesn't have to be right away or today or tomorrow or the next week, but it happens and its like "woah" its on rare occasions though and are REALLY short. So perhaps your "future" dreams aren't because you are in a state of depression.

Junato · Jan 07, 2011, 02:02 PM // 14:02

For people who claim to see the future I say that thats unlikely. I find you might be logically interpreting your past in your dreams to see whats going to be possible. Like you know you are a good worker at work and you had a dream you got a promotion.

Bellatrixa · Jan 07, 2011, 03:08 PM // 15:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by cosyfiep

nice Kattar....but all depression is NOT chemical--thats what the doc's pushing the meds say

Not ALL depression is chemical but there ARE instances where chemicals come into play.

Personally, I've had counselling on and off for a few years. Over this past year and a bit I've had constant sessions with the same counsellors. Last year I came to the point where I wanted to kill myself because I felt that there was nothing more that I could do in terms of talking. My doctor was refusing to medicate me as firstly I was street homeless and then they wanted to get a clear picture of what my symptoms were. Admittedly when I had that assessment, I was on a manic and was minimising my problems. My counsellor had gone with me and said afterwards how she noticed how my mood was and wasn't really able to interject.

The amount of times I've had people tell me to "cheer up" and brush off that there's something there that I can't just flick a switch and make things ok again... Part of it IS about attitude, but at times you are overridden by something else. I don't like going to the doctors, never have, but the times in my life where I make the most progress with my mental health issues is when I have medication alongside my therapy. There is only so much that talking can do. Seriously. I have first hand experience of this.

If you look at how certain medications work, you'll notice that they stimulate certain parts of the brain. The most common anti-depressants are SSRIs. They increase the uptake of serotonin. Serotonin is a "happy" chemical. SSRIs (i.e. prozac) are dished out most commonly because they are a "quick" (if you don't mind waiting for 2 weeks for them to kick in) fix that most people will respond to. Medication is NEVER meant to be the sole treatment for any mental health problem (there is no such thing as a happy pill to make everything better), but I refuse to hear people say that chemistry plays NO part in mental health disorders because that is quite simply bollocks.

Back to the discussion about dreams and the future, I first experienced something like this when I was about 15 or so however I didn't recall the dream until the incident happened. I was walking home from school with a friend of mine and was about, I dunno, 500 metres or so from the gates. Then I had a weird flash of realisation. I'd dreamt that exact thing a couple of weeks before. Sounds trivial you say? It wasn't who I was walking with but right down to the minute details: who the people directly behind us were and what they were talking about (we had no influence on their conversation), where precisely we were down the road when this occurred, what traffic was going past in the exact same order as my dream... It was as though someone was showing me a clip from a film that I'd seen before but this time I was in the film with a huge sense of deja vu. I'd tried many times to reason this out in my head with a great many people. What always got me is that there were things that happened that I had absolutely no influence over, subconscious or direct. It was the first time this has occurred but it's not been the last.

In terms of waking myself up, yes I can do that. Sometimes it requires little effort, sometimes it needs a lot. I've had the ability to "set an alarm" in my head before going to sleep. Very often I will wake before my alarm by anything from 1-15 minutes. It's rare for me to sleep all the way up to when my alarm goes off actually.

Verene · Jan 07, 2011, 03:40 PM // 15:40

I wish it were as easy as simply "get help". Sadly, it's not. That requires either decent insurance or money, being able to find a doctor that can take you, being able to trust and be comfortable with that doctor, having the time to go to appointments...yeah, not easy at all.

Lots of people don't have meds work for them? No, lots of people might have to try more than one before they find one that works, but that's because everyone's brain chemistry works differently. Talk therapy doesn't work for a lot of people, and with that you don't really have the option of "let's try something else".

I was on meds when I was younger. The ones I was on didn't work. But we didn't have the money for me to keep seeing the doctor and trying out other things to try and find something that works. Ever since I've been attempting to keep myself stable by talking to people, but the fact is, I have very very few people I trust and can confide in, which is why I know that talking to a doctor isn't going to work for me. It takes me years to be able to trust people. It...works, kind of, in that it keeps me going from day to day and I'm able to get out enough that I can keep forcing myself out of bed in the morning instead of just going "eff this". It keeps down most of the idle thoughts of suicide. But it sure as hell doesn't help enough to make me actually happy and completely stable, and I can't wait until I have good enough insurance and/or enough money to see a psychiatrist and try medication again and find out what is needed to make me work right.

Bobby2 · Jan 07, 2011, 05:21 PM // 17:21

I've been doing drugs on a pretty much daily basis for a couple of years now. On the few occasions I -haven't- used before going to sleep, my dreams were very vivid and I'd invariably wake up bathing in sweat.

So, what are my dreams like? Suppressed.

**cosyfiep** · Jan 07, 2011, 06:35 PM // 18:35

yes Verene I completely understand.....problems like mine (and yours) need to be worked thru---and these kinds of depression will not really be helped by drugs, the type of depression that will be is ones that dont have a psychological background (eg, you have been fine for 20 years, suddenly you feel depressed--this goes on for a few months and doesnt seem to improve---no reason for this depression so yeah most likely JUST a chemical imbalance and drugs will help).
However, for most people with depression, drugs ALONE will not do much of anything (ok so now you are an awake anxious depressed person with constipation, diarrhea and a heart palpitation---nice side effects---so now we have to treat the anxiety--yet another drug, and the other side effects--more drugs---can you see where this is going???? my mom takes anti-depressants, anti anxiety as well as a bunch of other meds to deal with the side effect of those 2....)

Yes depression has a chemical part to it---but you are never going to convince me that ALL of them do when a vast majority of people (only 1 in 3 people get better on drugs---does this mean they are all on the wrong drug or that drugs just arent working for them---the doctors and DRUG companies footing their salaries will tell you the first).

I have also been to the point of contemplating ending it all (I was in my 2nd year of college--my father had died, my boy friend dumped me and we were moving from my ONLY home I had ever known....on top of all of my other problems---it was a really BAD year----yeah they tried to get me on drugs--how exactly is that going to help me deal with my father's death????????? or the remorse or the guilt????????????????????? it wont--which is why I didnt use them).

so yes, SOME depression is very treatable with meds, some is not treatable at all with it--and others get some help....and everything in between.